Today's Ramble: A Lesson from an Aging Smartphone

I’ve been eligible for an upgrade for 9 months with my mobile phone account. Every few days I am stalked with emails dangling the carrot of the beautiful new gadget I could have in my hands if I just gave in and upgraded already. There are some days I can almost feel them in my grasp. I envision how the screen would look. My palm senses the weight of its body and my fingertips dream of the surface textures. What apps I would keep using and download onto my new friend and which ones would be left on the old phone to rot? Once, I even went as far as pulling up Amazon to decide which case I would order. Or, would I take the very risky route, given how clumsy my hands are, and go case-less because THIS new phone would be treated far better than my old one. I would maybe even order it a tiara…

The thing is…my phone works. Does it get snagged sometimes when I’m switching too quickly from screens or apps? Yes.

But. It has 4G. It has Bluetooth. It accesses the internet relatively quickly. The screen isn’t cracked nor is the body of it. No visual pixelation noise or anything taking away from viewing quality. Navigation works as well as Google Maps will allow it.

It’s just not new.

The fact that this bothers me is one I find rather disturbing. Therefore,I’m denying myself the upgrade BECAUSE I want to so badly for no real reason other than newness. And, I know it’s not just me who has this happen to them. It’s what drives our economy. It’s why so many phones are constantly coming on the market because we always have to have the next best thing and so many are thrown away amassing with all the other e-waste. Why? It’s such a sickening element of those of us lucky enough to live in the First World. Why do we think that we would cherish the new thing anymore than we cherish the thing we have now?

You can see where my rambling is going with this.

My lesson from my aging smartphone is this:

Don’t just believe in living simply so others may simply live.

LIVE simply so others may simply live.

Do I think I'm going to change the world by not upgrading until I actually "need" to? No. But, it makes my soul feel better. If I can learn to be this way about something as petty as my smartphone, maybe it will trickle into other areas that I feel are "lacking"...

Everything Gets Gone

Exactly one year after my first symptoms showed their mean, little, inflammation faces...my rheumatologist gave me the green light to see what my life would be like if I were to go off my medicine completely. First, it was Prednisone in...err January, I think. Then, it was the arthritis medicine itself in April. Her suggestion may or may not have had something to do with the confession that I wasn't taking the full dosage anyways because the shit made me Space Cadette 5000. But, along with that, my markers indicated my inflammation was at Rock Star status.

So, why no post about this until now?

If I were to be truthful, which is the sole purpose of having this page.... I was scared to write about it here. To have something that had been front and center of my life for a year suddenly go back in hiding was difficult for me to believe. I thought it was too good to be true. I was almost certain that I'd be hobbling around on swollen, balloon feet again in a month begging for people to open my soda bottles because my sausage fingers couldn't bear it.

So far, this hasn't happened.

(What also hasn't happened? Losing the 25 pounds this ordeal has caused me to pack on but, hey, I give myself better, squishier hugs now! And, the other else that has happened??? The rad, trippy dreams my arthritis medicine made me have full of brilliant colors and insane story lines, sigh.)

Impermanence.

Impermanence is an element of life that is sometimes hard to grasp when one is digging down in the trenches dragging through whatever war has been thrown their way. Part of it, I think, is because once the pendulum swings back the other way, we're too blurry-eyed with our new, gleeful norm that we can't even remember what the hell all the fuss was about before.

I can assure you, though, that each day I step out of bed and don't feel the need to wince and curse from the pain in my body is a day that does not go unnoticed. It still seems crazy to me. My rings fit again. I can still make a fully-closed fist! (Watch out, all you haters!) Such simple things, but, my, how beautiful they are!

If I may be so trite, I'm fuckin' lucky.

Life has provided a glimpse of what may be in store for me throughout my future of however many seconds I'm given to breathe this time roaming around Earth ...it has given me the slap in the face necessary to count those I love, those who unconditionally love me back, and all the beauty in between.

I'll take it.

Recognize the sweetness all around and hug yourself for me.

Cheers.

"Like a tree by the river,
I'm holding on...
But, everything gets gone...
Everything gets gone."

- William Elliott Whitmore <----click that link and nod along to that smokey voice!