So, there was this one time I was running around middle of nowhere Poland, right? Minding my own...doing the tourist thing, as we all do in the middle of nowhere Poland, and this dude flies by on the dirt road on his motorcycle as I'm trying to take pics of a delightful poppy field. I hastily glance over in disgust for him ruining my photographic zen but then quickly turn back to my subject, the most gorgeous red poppy bloom I'd ever laid eyes on.
And then, a minute later, wouldn't you know it, that same fucking engine comes revving up the dirt road again!
At this point, my inspiration is completely fucking lost. I mean, who can take a proper photo of a poppy flower while motorcycles are racing about, am I right!?
"You there!" he shouts in a very polish accent.
I stare back and give a little bit of a nod. I mean, I need to acknowledge him but I'm still very pissed about this whole situation.
"May I show you something?"
As a lady, I'm always quite skeptical of such a thing. So I glance here and there...pretend to inspect the state of my manicure before I respond with a shrug.
"I swear, you'll want to see..."
So, I find myself on the back of this motorcycle but, let's be honest, it's a bit more like a loud-ass moped, flying down this dirt road (as much as mopeds can fly). I'm so freaked out, my arms reluctantly find themselves clinging on to Jakub or whatever he said his name was. It's a good 30 minutes where I've prayed to everyone I know and whatever ghost I've never believed in up in the bright blue sky to have mercy on this terrible decision I've made.
Until we start to slow down and I notice buildings up ahead... it's a small town!
Three minutes later we pull up outside this pub like place sharing the property of a very old, and VERY run down farm.
"Wait here!" he shouts excitedly at me in his accent as he runs into the front door of the pub.
Really? Where the fuck else will I go...
He comes back out two minutes later with a grin as wide as the eye can see and gestures to me, "This way!"
And, I mean, I already made it this far, right? Might as well follow wherever this dude wants me to go even if it means I'll wind up in the bottom of a dried up well...
We walk for about 8 minutes in this overgrown field leading up to a dilapidated barn and then he stops and turns to me.
"Are you ready?" he asks with eyes that are shooting out of him so large they seem as if they are breaching the 8 foot gap between us and stabbing into my forehead.
"Uh, yea.." I stammer. "I think so..." I shrug
And then he opens the door to barn, frantically wipes the path free of cobwebs as we make our entry (quite the gentleman, apparently.) I'm looking down at my feet as old hay and other debris is gathering itself atop my boots.
"See!" He shouts excitedly.
I sniff in mild disgust at the sight of my feet and wave some cobweb away that still managed to attach to my nose before I look up.
And there...
Before me...
Is an old WWII tank....
Jakub climbs up the ladder...waves me to follow.
We climb inside.
He starts it up and it purrs like its 1941.
And then we ride off into the sunset into the Polish farmland...
Until I eventually stop the thing, shove him out the hatch, and carry on the rest of my journey across middle of nowhere Poland.
