Don't cry, Mom!

A friend of mine sent me the following and I thought I'd share it here:

"Write a short death scene for yourself, what would you say to the people around you? how did you die (accident/on purpose?)? What is the one thing you would want everyone to know?"

MY RESPONSE (Don't cry, mom!):

My death would never be on purpose. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve suffered from depression so severe at points where it has entered my mind but I know it would be selfish. I force myself to think back to the times when my parents scraped together money to help keep me fed, clothed, etc. that the image of their sacrifice alone is enough to never do it. Plus, I’ve come to be too much in love with my life, even during my episodes. I’ve become friends with my depression forcing myself to enjoy the days where I don’t want to leave my bed. It’s comfy hiding in my cocoons and being a hermit for a moment. It helps that I have people around me who understand now so I spend little to no time feeling ashamed of it anymore.

Anyways, so yes.. it would be accident or health. I would vote for accident so let’s go with that.

I was driving home one night on the interstate when a 16-year-old with a freshly minted license smashes me into a wall. The internal bleeding and broken spine leave me alive but just barely as I’m rushed to the hospital. My brain is intensely fuzzy from all the painkillers they plunge into my wrist. To tell you the truth, looking down with the needle sticking out of my arm is a bit creepy really. I hear whispers in the corner as the on-call doctor is talking to my husband. Even though I can’t hear them, I know what they are saying. Somehow all of this has left me coherent enough to understand what has happened and how my life is nearly over. There is nothing more they can do but keep me comfortable. My heart is breaking as he’s squeezing my hand sobbing by my bed. I allow him a few minutes of this before opening my eyes. He stops and stares down at me with his tear-filled eyes.

“You have to remember my plans of what I’ve always wanted. Green Day “Time of Your Life”… whiskey shots to gain entry into my funeral…the keg… all of it. You have to do this for me. And, know that you are truly one of the most amazing people that I could ever be so lucky to adore me the way you do and I’m happy some other girl would get to experience your brilliant love someday.”

The conversations with all of my nearest and dearest would go the same. I would beg them to never pick on themselves because that would be picking on my friends and my ghost would haunt their asses. I would try to list off the most beautiful thing about each of them urging to let it always shine for the world. And, my final request would be for them to not mourn but celebrate me as well as read out loud from time to time so they can read me the books I will no longer get to read. I would want them to continue on loving with all their hearts without fear or shame. Because, love is all we have. It’s one thing that no one can take away from you.


"Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" - Green Day