Baby wanna walk.

I can walk in a normal fashion.

I have western medicine to thank, but, it's something in the best direction!

Every morning I still wake up expecting to be in pain....expecting that something has changed and I'm back to the beginning.

But, I sit up. I put my feet on the floor. Stand. And, glide to the bathroom with ease.

I was able to walk around cities without thinking about anything else but anticipate the excitement of what was around the next corner.

I walked through airports with no concern except making sure I'm at my gate at boarding time.

I don't mean this to make other feels guilty but, seriously, take note each and every morning you put your feet on the floor without a grimace knowing that at least you have that going for you, despite other shit in your life (not discounting your shit, just trying to point out an easy blessing.) I'm speaking from experience as someone who overlooked it until my body said, "Yea, bitch...try and overlook THIS!" Never take all the simple things our bodies do for granted. Healthy livers that filter blood...lungs that breathe...shit, even a bladder that holds your pee without any real struggle. Truly. Our bodies do so much and we don't stop to recognize the effort of tissue and bone and how a simple upset could change our entire lives...until it does change our lives.

Whilst climbing the stairs at work today, I caught myself smiling as I could feel the muscles in my legs starting to slowly wake up and form again.

Maybe this was something I needed to make me wake up and realize that all the other shit I spent my days worrying about is just that... shit...

Regardless of how little or how much effort you put into these worries, at the end of the day, your physical being will eventually breakdown on you with little care about all that you find important at this moment.

Hug yourself.

Love your body regardless of size, color, shape, moles, hobbles...because it only goes downhill from here.

xoxo

A Godmother with a Horn

Okay, so, it's not really a horn though I do see the irony that what I'm about to discuss appeared the week I was to witness the baptism of my nephew.

A large, mysterious lump formed on right side of my upper forehead. Thankfully I had the thought to get bangs cut into my hair during my last visit to my stylist so I had something to cover the monstrosity for the last week. After keeping an eye on it whilst additional swelling moved into portions of my face, I finally went to the doctor today. Skin infection. Not believed to be contagious, just a random event.

I've decided this is my body this year. One big, random event. Or, as a dear friend referred to my latest "events": A study in the truly bizarre. I had to giggle at that because, well, I'm tired.

Whenever a new addition to my collection of medical events show up, my brain becomes preoccupied all over again with a myriad of unanswerable questions...

What the fuck?

Why?

What next?

When will I feel "normal"?

Is this simply my new sense of "normal"?

It distracts me from living in the moments because I'm so consumed. There is a mild fear that I will simply become full-blown narcissistic hypochondriac when this is all said and done...I won't be able to stop talking about myself and the worry that everything is wrong with me. This fear stems from the fact that I haven't posted here in a while combined with my habit of honesty to the "maybe they didn't need to know all that" level when casually asked, "How's it goin'?"

And, then there is my weight. It's hard for me to not draw attention to it by making my own comments. Sort of like, "Hey, look, I know I've put on a few these days..." (I don't know why really...it's like when we have company sometimes we go out of our way to point out every speck of dirt in our house. Why do we do this!?) But, if I were to be awkwardly honest...Every time I step on the scale I feel like it's reading more pounds towards hopelessness.

That sounds dramatic. I know it does and is. My brain is a bit of a drama queen these days. Deep down I know she will get over it. And, I will too. For now, I will hug myself and work on loving the extra cushion in between my arms until I'm off shitty Prednisone and more equipped to do something about it. (For someone who has never taken prednisone let me just say...imagine the first time you ate your favorite food in the world... and then imagine having that experience every time you eat anything. Yep...)

Alright, dearies, I don't have much to wrap this up with but this song. Love!

The Head and the Heart - "Lost in my Mind"