Okay, so, it's not really a horn though I do see the irony that what I'm about to discuss appeared the week I was to witness the baptism of my nephew.
A large, mysterious lump formed on right side of my upper forehead. Thankfully I had the thought to get bangs cut into my hair during my last visit to my stylist so I had something to cover the monstrosity for the last week. After keeping an eye on it whilst additional swelling moved into portions of my face, I finally went to the doctor today. Skin infection. Not believed to be contagious, just a random event.
I've decided this is my body this year. One big, random event. Or, as a dear friend referred to my latest "events": A study in the truly bizarre. I had to giggle at that because, well, I'm tired.
Whenever a new addition to my collection of medical events show up, my brain becomes preoccupied all over again with a myriad of unanswerable questions...
What the fuck?
Why?
What next?
When will I feel "normal"?
Is this simply my new sense of "normal"?
It distracts me from living in the moments because I'm so consumed. There is a mild fear that I will simply become full-blown narcissistic hypochondriac when this is all said and done...I won't be able to stop talking about myself and the worry that everything is wrong with me. This fear stems from the fact that I haven't posted here in a while combined with my habit of honesty to the "maybe they didn't need to know all that" level when casually asked, "How's it goin'?"
And, then there is my weight. It's hard for me to not draw attention to it by making my own comments. Sort of like, "Hey, look, I know I've put on a few these days..." (I don't know why really...it's like when we have company sometimes we go out of our way to point out every speck of dirt in our house. Why do we do this!?) But, if I were to be awkwardly honest...Every time I step on the scale I feel like it's reading more pounds towards hopelessness.
That sounds dramatic. I know it does and is. My brain is a bit of a drama queen these days. Deep down I know she will get over it. And, I will too. For now, I will hug myself and work on loving the extra cushion in between my arms until I'm off shitty Prednisone and more equipped to do something about it. (For someone who has never taken prednisone let me just say...imagine the first time you ate your favorite food in the world... and then imagine having that experience every time you eat anything. Yep...)
Alright, dearies, I don't have much to wrap this up with but this song. Love!
The Head and the Heart - "Lost in my Mind"
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